Winter Sonata

I have never seen Nottinghamshire like today-covered by purely,white snow.It reminds me when I was a kid,sitting in front of the television wishing that I could further my study abroad and experience the snow myself.By the time I'm writing this entries,the temperature is -2 degrees,and the snow is getting heavier.Perhaps,I may be able to build a snow man this time before I get back to Malaysia for good.This,infact will be such good memories to cherish in future...

Today is the day for all business students in Nottingham University to collect their examination results.Last night,I received a message from my sibling telling me that my Mom is currently worried with my study.I wonder why did she gets worried about me.The news somehow made me more nervous,as I know,a mom's instinct rarely mislead.Mothers can sense her child's anxiousness and sadness from afar;it's like an extra sense givem to them from our creator, as one of his mercy to humankind.

Sedih pulak tiba-tiba..haha!Apekah??

I still remember,at times when I feel like giving up,no matter in life or in my study,I will always hear some little voices coming inside of me.Telling me to go forth,and keep moving on.Asking me to leave the past behind,and start a new page as the old one is turned.I tried to recognize them,and start asking myself back,"Hey,where do these little voices come from?Seriously..."

"Not Yet"

"This is not the end"

"You are more than what you think"

"Ko boleh ok?"

..are some of the voices that I can recall now.Though it only whispers and pass away just like a blink,it does makes a difference in life,at least to me.I assume,this is tarbiyah for me to become decisive in life.

Scientifically,we may call this as internal motivation,the inner drive that keeps us going forth.In terms of theology perspective,I think this is the 'sekelumit iman' that is still left inside of me.Take the example of waking up for fajr,haha!We feel reluctant and struggle very hard to come out from bed,just to perform our solah,especially during winter..boleh masuk kategori cabaran jugak kot(for some),ehe..But somehow,these little tiny voice will alert and encourage us to push aside our sleepiness,and laziness,and urge us to answer the prayer call.Amazing, isn't it,on how they can affect our disciplines..Perhaps..this might be a hidayah from The Glorious Caretaker Lord,and the start of this hidayah will consequently guide and bring us closer to Allah,step by step.Looks insignificant to some,we shouldn't just ignore them.Lepas ni jangan claim kata Allah tak beri hidayah ok,sedangkan bila Allah dah bagi,kita yang memilih untuk menolaknya..

Sometimes kita jadi ignorance,sebab Allah's blessings banyak sangat,and zatNya tidak mampu dicapai dek akal.Namun,ini bukanlah kesalahan Yang Maha Mencipta,kelemahan itu sebenarnya datang dari pihak kita,where we should improve dari semasa ke semasa...We can't wait for knowledge and tarbiyah to come to us,we should seek for them ourselves instead.Furthermore,we will give more value and treasure the knowledge that we gain resulting from our findings and research more ,compared to the 'ilm that we acquire from easier ways.Do bear in mind that there's no such thing as free lunch in this dunya.We will always have to sacrifice something,in order to gain something else.This is the theory of opportunity cost learned by major business students.

I can't also deny the fact that there is these suara-suara halus lain yang mengacau dan menekan tuan empunya badan.I call them 'distraction factors'.Soalan-soalan ini kadang-kala menerjah di fikiran,terutamanya apabila kita berada dalam keadaan down dan lesu.

"Why am I choosing the road that is less taken,and less travelled by?",

"What do I actually want in life?",

"Am I happy all these time prioritizing other people than myself?",

"Tak bosanke?"

Surprisingly,ini adalah antara skema jawapan yang boleh ku berikan kepada distraction factors ini:

Aku masih mahu untuk terus menulis manusia,meskipun aku cedera,dan terpaksa merangkak dalam melangkah.Apetah lagi kalau hanya sekadar tempang sekejap..

Aku mungkin hanya seekor ikan bilis,namun aku masih menyimpan hasrat untuk mati dalam keadaan bermaruah,mati sebagai seorang muslim yang muslih.

The real crisis now,is actually the crisis of the human souls.What have I done in saving these soul-in-need?Have I done enough?Rasa-rasa dah cukup tak amalan nak jumpa Tuhan nanti?

Whether we realize this or not,each and everyone of us can make a difference,dan contribute towards the better future of the world.Normal,tempang,cedera parah,whatever situation we are in.We are khalifah,the best assets for the world.Thus,we ought to play our role sebaik mungkin dan mengelak daripada menjadi faktor pembantut kepada kejayaan dan kemenangan Islam.

I believe in perkara ghaib such as pahala dosa.I believe syurga neraka,and I know that I'm going to die someday,and I keep wondering when will it be..

and these are some of the main reasons why I am still survive until now..

Aku mungkin ibarat platipus,namun semangatku umpama helang..atau mungkin yang lebih sadis sikit,ku umpama ayam yang disembelih,namun masih mahu terus terbang..

Haha..apekah?Buruknya perumpamaan tu Intan..

Cheers~*